|
Evaluation: The opening pages introduce the audience to the heroine, a high spirited girl growing up in the year 1892. Her parents are suffragettes and supporters of education both general and sexual for women. In fact, the heroine is being sent to Bryn Mawr. Her flaw is also her strength: she is very strong willed and confident, but to such a degree that she tends to have little sympathy or respect for those who aren't up to her expectations. Then her life is changed forever when her parents die in an accident caused by people who disagreed with their message. The heroine and her two sisters are taken to live with her Uncle, his wife and her Aunt, people who oppose any sort of female enlightenment. However, the heroine is a troublesome ward and rebels at her new school. Her Uncle then has her looked at by a doctor who finds her interesting in more ways than as a patient (and a Beatrice/Benedict relationship develops between the two). However, when he declares her mentally competent, the Uncle is determined to marry her off. The story takes another turn when the heroine takes an interest in the local brothel and its inhabitants. She gets to know the people there and in exchange for teaching the madam and prostitutes to read, the madam is going to teach her about sex. The heroine then gets the doctor involved in educating the prostitutes about venereal diseases, and the heroine begins to teach the local women about sex, all of whom seem very eager to learn. She is also learning to be less superior and intolerant of others and that being less confrontational might get her farther. But her Uncle then tells her that she is to be married off to a local businessman and she must decide what to do. She forces the issue with the doctor by trying to seduce him, but when that backfires, she agrees to the marriage. But secrets are finally revealed at the climax to change the fortunes of everyone when it turns out that her Uncle's wife did not constantly miscarriage due to something wrong with her, but because she was given syphilis, or "honeymoon appendicitis" as it is called, by her husband. The wife rebels and helps the heroine pursue the life best suited for her. What works: The opening is solid and clear and sets up the conflict with economy. There is a strong feeling of Thomas Hardy and E.M. Forster in the work. The heroine is strong and sympathetic to the audience, even if she tends to act superior and run roughshod over others. The other characters are basically solid and can easily be pictured. The period is well represented and there are some interested insights into the status of the woman's movement at the time, including the belief that too much education in a woman "drains blood from her reproductive capacity to her brain rendering her useless for marriage". There are nice details and nice scenes: when the carriage with the heroine and her new family go down the streets of her new home, kids surround the carriage and run alongside it (pg. 18); her uncle hinting that he's not beyond using an asylum if he finds the heroine too opposed to being reformed in thought (pg. 20); the central character being (wittily) impertinent to her new Headmistress and forced to kneel painfully on a grate (pg. 22); that men could institutionalize female relatives for no cause (pg. 30); the local doctor has an excellent line that perfectly describes the central character: "Clearly intelligent, but not smart enough to understand the consequences of your behavior" (pg. 34); the central character's first corset; the etiquette scene (pg. 44) has some humorous miscommunications; the doctor and the central character's sparring (pg. 51) is a clear indication that they are meant for each other, and the ending of that scene where the doctor says there's only anecdotal evidence against corsets only to have a number of women fainting is nice and pointed; the euphemism for syphilis in women-honeymoon appendicitis; the central character's aunt has a great line on pg. 113: Christians like us give money, dear, not time; the use of syphilis as the cause of her uncle's wife being barren is very powerful and moving (personal note: I was fooled-I thought it was caused by the corsets) and is believable that this could resolve the final issues. What doesn't work: There is one general issue the author might want to consider. There seems to be a thesis running through the piece that if women were educated about sex and were freer to express it, that it would solve all marriage problems. However, the audience may not find that convincing since women do have that knowledge and more sexual freedom today, but people are still unhappy with each other sexually, men still visit prostitutes and STD's are still passed on (plus divorce is at a record high). So though the heroine has a noble goal, the audience may not be able to take it as seriously as the author does since they know that this goal will not solve the problems the heroine thinks it will. This really comes front and center every time a woman gets a sexual "education" whereupon she (and her husband) have looks of pure happiness (wouldn't at least some women think this is immoral and that women were not meant to have pleasure). There are some other details the author might want to look at: The aunt's speech on pg. 28 may be confusing (personal note: to be honest, I couldn't quite figure out what she meant). On pg. 57, the uncle's motivations for wanting to marry the central character off may be a bit confusing; originally he wanted it to be a good match when it came to money. However, since the doctor seems very eligible (and is a doctor and so should have money), it may be unclear why the uncle so opposes him. On pg. 57, he says she would be served well by someone who doesn't indulge her excesses, but it's unclear why he cares about her indulgences as long as she's married and out of his hair. On pg. 85, one character is surprised that the central character is teaching the prostitutes to read. However, it may not be believable that the whole town doesn't know. After all, where do they think she goes to teach people to read? It may be difficult to believe that the uncle alone wouldn't have detailed knowledge of her every move. The scene with the doctor on pg. 107 may be a little unclear: it may be confusing what the central character's goal is in trying to have sex with the doctor. Is it that if she's no longer a virgin, her uncle's choice of fiancé won't marry her? Or if she sleeps with the doctor, he'll have to marry her? It may also be unclear why she doesn't just tell him that she's being forced to accept a marriage proposal that afternoon. It may be unclear why the heroine agrees to marry her uncle's choice. She acts almost as if she has no choice, but it may be unclear what will happen if she says no. She'll piss her uncle off, but she's done nothing but that since they met. Even in Romeo and Juliet, where the times were even more repressed and Juliet was younger than Kathy, Juliet said no. How it can be improved: Though the characters are basically solid, the author is encouraged to look more deeply into some of them and explore their psychology more. As for some of the plot details, the author should consider giving a stronger reason for the uncle wanting the central character to marry his choice over the doctor (maybe the uncle's business would make a perfect merger with his choice, such as they both own coal mines). The author should also consider giving a stronger punishment for the heroine not marrying her uncle's choice, such as if she doesn't, she will be committed to an institution. When the heroine goes to the doctor, perhaps she should tell him that she is being forced to marry, but the doctor tells her he can't marry her because the laws won't let him do so without her uncle's permission. Then she tries to seduce with the idea that her uncle will have to let them marry if they have sex. As for the teaching of the prostitutes, the author should consider that the only way she may be able to get away with that is for her to have an ally to help cover for her, or her ruse has to be much more elaborate. Next step: This is a solid screenplay that just needs to have some plot details worked out and more depth given to some of the characters. It is recommended that the author consider reading books by Thomas Hardy and E.M. Forester (especially Howards End) and look at how they handle the psychology of their characters. Another book that comes to mind is Henry James The Bostonians, about the women's movement in the 19th century. Some inclusion of their approach to character could really help this piece break through. |